Angela's Online Discussion Group

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Forum: Angela's Online Discussion Group
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I was there in fall of 1995

I was at PCS in the fall of 1995. I haven't found anyone I remember as of yet. My "therapist" was Kathryn Johnson. I remember "Moe" she was big, tough, burly (guess you could call her a woman). I remember she always bullied all the girls on my unit. I remember a younger woman named Laura who cared for us and she was so nice to us. She was fired once it was discovered she was being nice to the girls in her unit. She was the only one that made any of us feel like anyone care about us-she made us feel like human beings.

I can also recall them reading your mail, recording your phone calls.. my parents bought into all the bull**** PCS told them. I couldn't tell anyone what was really happening. I wasn't allowed to call anyone unless it was a scheduled call in which my "therapist" was always there listening to.

My extended family on the outside was cut off from contacting me. (except for my parents). My family was very worried about me and the fact they did not hear from me for months while I was at PCS. They were told they could not talk to me or see me. PCS told them any contact must be approved through my parents and "therapist". (approval was of course denied)

The worst part is that I was sent there because my step-father was accused of abusing me. I dealt with his abuse of my mother, sister and myself for over 13 years. He beat me up really bad in March 1995. I attended school after the beating and tried to cover the truth. My junior high called police and CPS. He was arrested and later convicted. He did not get any jail time other than the initial 24 hours after the arrest. My mom denied any abuse and stuck by him.

I was sent to live with my grandparents and had to start a new school right in the middle of the year. I was in 7th grade. I had to uproot my whole life.

My mom and sister did not live with me anymore they stayed behind with him. Court ordered he could not have any contact with me until I was 18. I hated my new school and was sick every day having to go there. I was having trouble dealing with what had happened to me, had trouble adjusting to school and the devastating changes in my life. My grandparents were frustrated because they did not know how to help me.

My mom stood by my step-father-they were convinced by his lawyer and family therapist (all of which he had lied to and convinced he was innocent) in order to make my step-father look better they should send me somewhere to address my "issues". (the only bad thing I had done at that point was skipping school). In turn I was sent to PCS and paid the price for my step-father's abuse.

I was 13 years old when my mother flew with me to UT telling me it would be a good place for me and I would make many great friends while going to school. My grandparents and extended family were skeptical and did not want for me to go. It all happened so fast..Once off the plane my mom drove me there and once inside said she loved me and just turned and walked away. My life changed forever that day..

I recall being stripped searched and told my mom was not coming back. I was terrified.. I remember the first night being woken up and taken to the nurse where I was given my first pap smear at 13. (I hadn't been sexually active at that point) I recall having my blood drawn and had multiple tests given to me throughout the night.

While there I witnessed abuse and suffered verbal abuse myself. I remember always being told how horrible I was and that I deserved the abuse I received from my step-father. I remember other girls always trying to set each other up. I was always made to tell the staff I was lying and I did bad things I did not really do. They got satisfaction out of breaking you down and having complete control.

I realized early on that you had to "play the game". I realized if I did not conform to what they wanted I would never get out. I did everything my "therapist" told me and finally broke down. She wanted me to admit that I was the problem. I went back home to an abuser to escape PCS.

I recall I never wanted to end my life as much as when I was at PCS. I had lived through hell at home so was that place. I will always remember sitting at the end of the hall looking out at the neighborhood behind the school. I would see kids playing in the street/spending time with their families. I would become more depressed with the hell I was living in.

I remember there were a few girls that became friends to me. Unfortunately we did not keep in touch. I remember Janelle, Liz, Jessica, Erica, and Stephanie.

I have tried to forget what I lived through. I thought living through 13 years of abuse at the hands of my step-father was the worst. Going to PCS only did so much more damage to me. I will never forget those horrible lights in the hall that made it hard to sleep at night.. or the cries I heard all night long... I made it through but I can say it changed me forever.. as survivors we will NEVER forget.

I hope o

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