Angela's Online Discussion Group

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Angela's Online Discussion Group
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my experience

Okay. I am 13 years out of PCS. I have come to terms with my experience a few years ago. I found this by forum by accident after many years of trying to find others that had been where I had been. Now, after all of these years I feel compelled to get out my experience to those that would understand it.

I was 15 and basically out of control. I was drinking, experimenting with drugs (and liking it), having sex, running away, hating my parents, etc. I am the oldest and my parents had no idea what to do with me. The symptoms of teenage depression were not recognized then. I was angry and hateful.

Well, I came to somewhat of a truce with my parents. If this truce would have resulted in better functioning on my part is hard to tell. Two days later me and my mom were in Salt Lake on a shopping trip. She pulls into a parking lot and I ask where we were. Suddenly, two big Somoan guys open my car door and pull me out. I'm screaming. My mom is crying but I can tell by the look on her face that she knows what is going on. I'm thrown in a van between the two guys and driven somewhere. Nobody will talk to me on the drive.

I'm broought in through a back door. I have no idea where I am. I try asking people but no one will tell me. I start the intake process. They want me to empty my pockets, shake my hair out, pull out the sides of my bra, pull down my pants and squat. All in front of someone. I still have no idea where I am. Finally someone tells me that I am in a long-term treatment center. This is all of the information I can get. I have no idea what that means. I have never heard of that before. I can't get anymore information.

After a while I am brought into Orientation. Girls are talking to me. I can't process anything. I don't know what to do, I don't know what I can do. I am assured by the other girls that escape is impossible. I have the overwhelming urge to run as hard as I can into the wall on the off chance that I can break through. One girl tells me that the shortest possible amount of time I can be here is 6 months. This is a lifetime to me. I am starting to panic as the girls are telling me how long they have been there, 4 months, 5 months, etc. I'm still on the first level. I'm sure I'm going to die.

I lose it. I spend time in Investment because I am crying and vomiting. I am moved to Investment because I'm upsetting the other girls in Orientation. I have no idea how long I'm in Investment. Maybe two days. I don't rememember much of that initial time. Sooner or later I'm worn out. I come to terms with where I am. Well, at least I think I have. I go back to Orientation and I am glad. Investment is creepy. There's singing, moaning, screaming. At least there is natural light in Orientation.

To be continued . . .

Re: my experience

talk to me...i hurt too,,,i did a 8 month stay at the boys campus...