Captain,

If I may suggest, I would be willing to volunteer for ANY duty that might aid Corporal "Rickets" in delivering ANY discomfort to the *cough* good General Meade...I will NOT however volunteer to carry the chair.
Perhaps we may locate a suitable proxy for the general at Ft. Stevens in the person of another Federal Officer...
No, not Ken...
Your Obdt. Svt.
Stealth Corporal Sturman

Sirs:

I suggest immediate dispatch of a letter to Richmond, and the proper authorities, regarding our new weapon. Mass production of these chairs, when distributed to the enemy (and after a short period of use by the good corporal), could prove most beneficial to our cause. Corporal Rickets would appear to be invaluable in this operation (as without him the chairs are nothing but an added weight to the mules) and should be protected at all costs. The many stenches and vermin which may be found surrounding him just may be the key to our independence.

The respectful opinion of a lowly and content trooper.