| Subject: |
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just reaching out... |
| Name: |
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Julia |
| Date Posted: |
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Sep 6, 04 - 6:14 AM |
| Message: |
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Hi..
This is very quiet and no one has posted in quite some time, so I don`t know if someone will read my message...
I hope so..
I just wanted to ask for some support..I am feeling very lost..
I am feeling quite confused and scared, things with the woman I was trying to build a relationship are so difficult...I dont know how to handle things and I`m hurting so much. She had been diagnosed with cancer, now her results are better..so I guess a lot was shaped by what was happening..but still, I am feeling quite alone and confused..We talked on Sat and she demands things that I don`t know how to give..I know I love her and she changed my whole life and it is the first time ever in my life that I`ve felt this..but at the same time I am hurting so much that it makes me question everything...She expects me, among other things, to be more passionate, etc..and she told me that maybe my father did kill something inside of me and that I don`t have it incorporated, and that maybe I won`t be able to recover that , that sometimes it is as though I were dead inside. I don`t feel it like that but she is just not willing to go on like this...she has given me another chance now, but I feel very bad about it all...I know I love her, but I feel that I can`t be someone who I am not...I don`t know what to do..She expects me to be more passionate, to seduce her constantly, and I feel lost. This is my first time in my life that I was able to feel safe being touched and held, etc. But I can`t change overnight..
She told me that for her it is very important and that she needs to stop talking so much and enjoying more.
She also expressed frustration over my abuse issues, saying that the abuse truly has affected me in ways I am not even aware of..that somehow it has ..killed something in me and my ability to feel sometimes.
I just needed to share...I^m feeling quite lost...
Lots of love and support,
Julia |
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