| Subject: |
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Re: Consequences |
| Name: |
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Julia |
| Date Posted: |
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Jun 6, 04 - 12:59 PM |
| Message: |
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Ohh Debbie,
Your post touched my heart and moved me to tears....
You can´t imagine how meaningful, and important it is to me right now...that you´ve shared this..
Thank you so much. I´m completely moved...
I came with the intention of posting something..because last night was really tough...I couldn´t stop crying..and I was feeling really lost..wondering so much about choices, and everything you talk about...and not knowing how to feel I´m making the right decision...I felt such a deep sadness...and a part of me is and was so hoping I could forget everything about my feelings and what happened lately, and go back to the life I thought I wanted to have..a loving, nice man, having a baby, a family..being with his family that had become my own..being with him and having a baby.
I am struggling so much with not knowing how to feel I´m making the right choice. I feel this choice can change so much in my life and that terrifies me..I feel a part of me wants to go back to that life that I was so certain I was going to have. I wonder ¨how could this happen?¨ Why am I having these feelings now and I never had them before?¨..why was I so sure I was going to spend my life with him nad have a baby and everything and now I´m finding myself facing this?..why is everything changing....
Yesterday I spent the day with her, and I can´t deny my feelings..i feel I´m in love with her..She reaches so deep inside of me..and makes me feel things I never imagined I was capable of...passion...tenderness...deep love...It´s so intense...Yesterday I cried with her, in her arms...
I do love her..but at the same time it hurts so much to let go of my other life and all the things I had dreamed for myself..It hurts..i´m so torn...I am so vulnerable that I find myself crying all the time.
I feel so scared of making the right choice.
I don´t know what to do...I don´t know what my heart is telling me...
I do know a few things...
I know that I do love her and when she looks at me in my eyes I feel I don´t want to ever let go and I want to hold her forever.
I know that it hurts to let go of my other life. I know that this man I spent 4 years with is a wonderful person and loves me and I do love him too and we shared beautiful moments and dreams..It hurts to let go of the possibility of having a baby with him.
I do love her with all my heart...
and I¨m terrified...
I´m so afraid of making the wrong choice..I realize everything´s in my hands, and I don´t know how to feel certain and have peace inside..
It´s hard to face this when Ihad never expected it and I had always imagined myself with a husband and kids.
and now I find myself totally in love with a very special woman ...I find myself so in love that I am moved to tears when she looks into my eyes...I find myself feeling passion...desire..things I had never felt before in my life and I thought I would never feel...
It´s so hard to feel that I can choose two lives which are so different...and that this is the moment to choose...I¨m so scared.
if i don´t stop writing I won´t be able to stop crying..
just wanted to share..
Thank you forlistening..
Debbie, thank you for your post. It touched my heart.
You are so brave.
All my love
Julia. |
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